(Originally posted Thursday, August 13, 2009)
I have breast cancer. My doctor said I would probably die if I didn't follow her recommendation: an immediate mastectomy. I didn't believe her.
Thus began my walk between the worlds of traditional and alternative medicine and the quest to see if I could find a cure before turning to traditional surgery, chemotherapy or radiation. In this blog I will share my process, a journey in which I am attempting to transmute the “lead” of life—the pain, the darkness, the agony, the grief, the anger, the powerlessness—into the “gold” of light and freedom.
This blog will not be a resource center for alternative therapies. First, there are already hundreds of resources out there in terms of books, websites, etc. for alternative cancer cures. Also, despite a strong propensity for alternative medicine, I am trying to stay open to all possibilities. I do, however, promise to share anything that comes to my attention that feels significant and universal.
Nor will this be an attempt to describe every supplement I’m taking and every therapy I have embraced or am currently using. The whole point of turning your own life’s lead into your own life’s gold is just that: you have to find what works for you, what feels right to you, what sings to you, and what is true for you at any given moment. My path cannot be a prescription for you. But it may give you a glimpse into how to explore your own life—what’s working, what’s not and why.
I used to think “being true to yourself” was just a great line from Shakespeare (“This above all: to thine own self be true” from Hamlet). But I have come to see that it is a process rich beyond description. For most of us in the West, it is a question of unlearning a great deal of the conditioning we’ve been exposed to since infancy. But ultimately, if you have cancer and can commit to seeing the ways in which you live falsely, it won’t matter so much whether or not you have (or have had) surgery. (At least I think so. I am aware that this is a lot easier to believe since I haven’t had to face surgery so far.)
Which brings me to my last point in this opening post: One example of my going for the gold will be my effort to tell the truth in this blog. I am quite skilled at making everything, even the worst events of my life, look good. I like to wrap things up in neat little packages so that people I’m sharing my life with will feel comfortable. I like to imagine that everything is perfect, even when it’s not. “Chin up” and “Keep a stiff upper lip” were two of the messages I received growing up from my British mother. Reality can strip me naked, and I can still pretend I’m the Empress with new clothes.
So stay tuned—we’ll see what outfit presents itself next! I look forward to sharing with you.
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